One of the hardest realizations as a new mother was understanding that even though I love my child with all my heart, I would go to the ends of the earth for them and lay down my life for them, some days I just really didn't like them. The first time I had that thought I was horrified. How can you even think that about your own kid!
Here I was having popped this kid out of my own body after carrying them for close to a year and now here I was.
And honestly that's okay. It's okay to feel that some days. It's okay to at the end of the day when you've been screamed at, yelled at, kicked, ignored and completely misunderstood to think it. It doesn't mean you love them any less. The feeling never lasts long and is more in fact about not looking what's happening in the moment.
In fact for me makes me love them more firecely. Because sometimes when you've been kicked in the feelings about 1000 times you just aren't gonna like the person on the other end. I love the heck outta my kIds. I truly do.
There may be days where I feel disheartened, discouraged, wonder what I'm doing, wonder if I'm even making a difference... Days where I'm not fond of attitudes and choices made. Days where they aren't overly fond of my attitude either, but we always return to love. Unconditionally we return to love for each other. Unconditional. It's how Jesus loves us. There are days we may disappoint Him with our actions, hurt His heart with our words and unkindness. He may not like what we are doing but there is always a deep unconditional love for us. We always return to love. We are His children and oh how He loves us.
I pray contstantly I am that for my kids. A continual return to a deep unconditional love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
