I think it's easy to ignore that your child is actually growing up and growing up fast until they start hitting certain milestones. Here, this last week Hannah lost her first tooth, has another loose one and starts kindergarten next week. I can no longer ignore how old she is. 

Up until now I can say the years have somewhat blended all together. As we made the decision to have me stay home and raise our kiddos, the time spent away from them in any capacity has been minimal. Day trips or a few nights away here and there, and once a whole week away with Gramma and Papa...which was weirder than heck!  But now chunks of her every day will be spent away from me. There will be a part of her day most days that I now won't get to witness, to watch over, to protect, or be a part of. I will get to hear about it as she tells me and as I ask but I won't be there to know the precise details. This is weird and hard and necessary I know. But mostly right now hard. 

Knowing this girl and her love of people and learning and knowledge, school is going to be wonderful for her!  But as a mama who has her heart forever walking around outside her body three times over, it's difficult. Next week for the first time in almost six years she will walk to school and begin a whole new journey and launching this family of five into a new chapter. One that on many levels I'm excited to start. However, it means I also can no longer ignore and put off how not so little my littles are. There are different things to measure it all by now. And I am almost certain that as fast as I thought the years have been flying by lately they are sure to seem lightspeed as they get involved in school and other big kid things. 

Until this year I think I had a small corner of my mind that believed time could be semi-frozen with everyone five and under and everyone here safe as we can manage. I can no longer entertain that. I know I'm going to watch her walk to school next week and in my mind see her fast forwarded through time in a matter of seconds heading off on adventures she chooses. 

Bottom line. I don't think my heart is ready for this. My head logically knows she needs this and will love it and such is life. But oh my heart...part of which will go walking into a new experience and into that new school next week in the form of a tiny, beautiful, little Hannah Grace that until recently I could sorda ignore how not so little she really is. 

My Hannah...you will love school so. I know you are so nervous and I'm nervous I haven't taught you enough before you go, but you will rock school. You make friends so easily, so many love you and want to be around you. I know you will be wonderful. Your love for learning and words and knowing things is so evident and has been since you were tiny. I know you are scared, but I also know you will love it. And when you come flying back home to tell me all about all the cool things that happened and who you met and what you loved and what you didn't, I'll be there to hear every detail. I love you so....

Love, 

     Mama. 

We believe

So this happened today!  I don't know how we missed that it was loose with the gigantic tooth pushing through behind it, but in one day it became really loose and after working on it all day, out it came!

Hannah is soooo excited for the tooth fairy's visit tonight! (If only she'd go to sleep!) I am reminded tonight why we choose to believe in the tooth fairy. Seeing Hannah's excitement build and her wonderment and awe at the thought of a tiny fairy caring enough to come carry away her tiny baby tooth and replace it with a sparkly gift is so fun.  She wanted everything to be just right for tonight. She brushed all her teeth, including the new partially there tooth and her tiny new gap, extra well so the tooth fairy would be pleased with how well she takes care of her teeth. "After all," she told me tonight, " a tooth fairy doesn't want pirate teeth!" She hurried through her bath and chose to read only one book so she could hurry up and go to sleep. The anticipation is enormous. And it's awesome.

 In a world where it seems we have to ask our kids to grow up sooner than should be allowed, in a world where my kids know what an Amber Alert is and what they should do if they are approached by a stranger, in a world where letting them play in our front yard unattended leaves a mama with anxiety, for this small moment in time believing in something like the tooth fairy seems more than reasonable. 

Nothing matches the look of wonder and awe in your little ones eyes as they imagine what could be and will take place. For a small moment in time in their tiny lives I think it's more than ok that they believe in magic. I know there are some families who choose not to play into this and think it's dumb or deceiving...and I suppose I get why...but the light in your kiddos eyes as they anticipate and believe in something bigger and magical is pretty amazing. And so that's why here, as long as we are able we will choose to believe in the tooth fairy and in Christmas magic. And this does not lessen our belief in a powerful God. My kids know what Christmas is about. They know why we celebrate. When Hannah talks about Christmas being her favorite it's because of (and I quote) "time with family, singing Christmas carols around the tree, celebrating Jesus birthday and twinkly lights and presents."

Hannah is a smart girl. And one day soon she'll catch me in the act of delivering sparkly money or she'll put two and two together. And like most kids she'll grow out of it and survive and perhaps go on to teach her own kids about the tooth fairy or Santa. I like to think it sets our kids up to believe in the real magic and miracle that is. The Bible is full of these things, including angels and a loving and amazing God. 

So here, right now. We believe. 

10 years :)

10 years...To infinity and beyond

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
― Elbert Hubbard

10 years ago this week, I was getting ready to marry my best friend.  :)  The wedding was short and sweet and can be summed up much like my husband and I...no-nonsense.  :D 

The time we dated was like this, the proposal was straight forward and no-nonsense and our marriage has been like this in large part. 
In honor of ten years!! - which is a BIG deal!! - I thought I would take a small trip down memory lane.  :) 

Awww.  Here we are.  haha  I met Adam while in my sophomore year of college and his freshman year.  When we first met I had just recently come out of a pretty serious relationship and he was currently in the midst of a lengthy one.  We became friends because of other mutual friends and all started hanging out together on a pretty regular if not daily basis.  Most often we hung out at his brother's house eating burritos (I seriously remember always eating burritos!) and watching movies.  Long story short, after some time had passed and he was no longer in a relationship we tried dating.  *Ahem*  I mention we tried.  At this point he was one of my very best friends, but dating wasn't working.  I don't know if the timing was just off (it seems certain now that it was indeed) or what but it wasn't working.  And so...I ended it.  And we completely stopped talking to each other.  At. All.  However, we still had an awful lot of mutual friends...so that wasn't awkward at all! 

I had a lot up in the air at this point school and life wise and I distinctly remember praying to God out loud: "Lord, don't send me another person, don't put another guy in my life in this manner unless he's it.  I don't want to do this anymore.  I don't have time for this! (If this had been Sweet Brown's time I would have said-Ain't Nobody Got Time for this Lord!) So don't place a guy in my life unless it's Your plan and Your will and Your timing....Amen."

 We left for Christmas break and I think we tried talking once during this time and that was it.  We came back to school and ended up in a class together...still not talking to each other.  I'm still not 100% sure what got us talking again or what made us feel we were ok with each other but eventually we became good friends again and it looked as though he and his old girlfriend would end up getting back together.  All seemed well.  But time passed and we were hanging out...a lot.  And then after awhile, all around the same time people asked us if we were together and we both thought about it and said..."Sure.  Ok." haha So...we were dating again.  And a month or so later I remembered that prayer I had prayed...

So we dated for about 2 years...I think both of us knowing this was the person we were going to end up with but not in a huge hurry.  I was always reminded of my prayer and would feel peace over the situation.

This is a picture of a picture so it's not the best quality but it's from his brother's wedding. :)

One night we were hanging out at my place. My roomate had invited about 20 other people over to watch a movie so we went to another room to hang out. I laugh when I picture it now because we were watching something on tv and I was reading...this is much like our evenings look now! :)

I remember that I happened to be reading this random article about 20 or so things every woman should definitely do before getting married. I started reading them out loud because the majority of them were seriously ridiculous. Adam didn't say much until he finally mentioned these were stupid and that I did not in fact need to do any of them before getting married. Laughing I remember assuring him they were silly and of course I would not be taking this article to heart. Then it got quiet. At first I didn't notice because I was still reading, but eventually I realized he was no longer watching tv and obviously had something on his mind. 

Here is where I wish I remembered his exact words. But I don't. I remember the moment. I remember me asking if he was ok and after several silent moments him asking me to marry him. And I totally did not see it coming! I believe he said his plan had been to wait til the next month to ask when we were going home for my birthday because he wanted to talk to my dad but he decided he couldn't wait any longer. And the rest is history. 

We went to Oregon to celebrate my birthday, picked out a ring together and began to plan a wedding. I remember buying my own wedding band. Which bothered him at first...and it wasn't that he couldn't or wouldn't have bought it for me, but we had already picked one out I liked and I figured at that point our money was all going to the same place so...why not!? I think we both tend to be pretty practical. :) And so this year, this month, this week on the 23rd, we have been married for 10 years. He is still absolutely my best friend, in fact even more so. 

  In 10 years we have had 3 beautiful kiddos, lived in about 7 different houses, hit some minor bumps and learned much about each other. 10 years later Adam is still my favorite person. He's the first person I go to with anything. He's my sounding board, my voice of reason at times, my best friend, my love. I do not regret once marrying this man. He forever has my heart. 

“A successful marriage requires falling in love over and over again, always with the same person” Mignon McLaughlin

I love this quote. It is so true. You make a concious decision daily to fall in love with the one you've already chosen. Marriage isn't about deciding things aren't working and bailing based on uncomfortable or sad or frustrating situations. It's remembering you promised for better or worse. Good and bad. Sometimes that is hard. I am fortunate and blessed though that I married someone who believes as I do. I married a man who believes whatever we encounter we can overcome it. And sometimes it takes  bit to conquer. It takes time, frustration, hurt, annoyance....but never once have I doubted Adam was/is who I am supposed to be with. Never once have I thought we made a mistake.  After all I specifically told God not to bother putting someone in my life until he was who He wanted me to spend my life with.  I have made this decision to fall in love every day, every month, every year over and again with my husband. I am looking forward to what the next many years will hold. 

Thank you so much for choosing me husband. I sure love you. 

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook