Life

We have a beautiful friend that right now is dying of breast cancer...and now of tumors as a result of that cancer that have spread to her brain...her time is limited, this she knows.  She's in pain, and in many ways she just wants to go home.  She is this beautiful bright light of a person...one who's presence will indeed be missed in noticeable ways.  She has a lightness about her and a spirit that glows without her having to say any words. 

This has recently prompted discussion among some friends as to what we would do if we were placed in her position.  How would we choose to fight? Or would we?  Oddly enough I've had this random discussion with Adam.  I've told him that obviously each circumstance has it's own path about it...and for me it would depend on how realistic the fight would be.  Would fighting with medicines really help me? Or would it just prolong the inevitable?  As a person who hates medicine and takes it only when absolutely necessary I lean towards saying I would rather take my last days and enjoy them with a clear mind and the ability to function as much as possible.  I think I would say no to treatment based on the severity of the disease.  If it were caught early and the chances of coming out on top were better than not I'd consider it for sure...  It's always hard to say what you would or would not do unless you were met head on with the need to make that decision...and if it happened to me now at this point in my life, the decision to just let go peacefully would be harder given my young kiddos...but I know I would rather have them remember me as enjoying my last bit of time with them instead of in a bed in so much pain because of treatments I had chosen. 

I will never pretend I understand or even like that some people are chosen to be taken from us at an earlier time than seems necessary...it doesn't make sense.  But where she's going after her time here, there is no doubt!  And so the hope of seeing her and other loved ones again one day drives us on...all I know is that if I should ever encounter this kind of hurdle in life, I can say with certainty that regardless of what choice I make, I know either way I am choosing life.

Birthday

 Happy #2 to our Abby Joy.  We had a great day with family celebrating little Abby. 

 New Plasma scooter...these things are fun!

 Birthday Girl

 Cuteness

 Abby's Chocolate with Raspberry filling and Raspberry buttercream frosting cupcakes.  REALLY good.  :) I chickened out on making cake pops til I get a little more practice.

Thank You

Hannah can be a tough nut to crack sometimes.  She feels life and takes it on so personally and physically that sometimes when she reacts to things or is over tired it's a mighty long process to bring her back to earth.  A couple nights ago we had such an episode.  I don't remember what happened...whatever it was it was small and not something that would normally set her off on a Tasmanian devil like rampage of emotion but on this occasion it did.  And a lot of the time it's so hard not to get sucked into her frustration and emotion, but with Hannah the very best thing you can do is remain calm and talk quietly.  And be very, VERY patient. After having her view her very tormented face in a mirror I had her sit down and try to take some deep breaths.  I asked why she was so upset...she didn't really know.  I asked if she was tired.  "Yes." Was the tiny reply.  So after some more words and hugs she finally arrived at a place of calm...where she could go apologize to her daddy for what she'd done earlier and could continue to get ready for bed in a normal manner....after we'd all four read books together and were saying our good nights and doling out our smooches for the evening Hannah walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me.  And then really quietly she said: "Thank you so much for helping me calm down Mama. I love you."  Oh my.  She can be so very sweet.  That tiny thank you will serve as my reminder to try my hardest not to get sucked into the frustration she gets caught up in sometimes, and instead help her out of it with calmness...so hard to do sometimes, but so very worth it. :) 

Jokes

Hannah's version of a knock knock joke: "Knock Knock. Who's There? Fred. Fred Who? Fred Meyer!!!"

Abby's version of a knock knock joke: "Knock Knock. Who There? POPSIE AND GRAM!!!?"

Resolve

I don't make New Year's resolutions.  I used to...but then as I got older I realized that any resolution needs to be a constant choice I make every day of the year.  There's always the old standby resolutions, losing weight or being healthier...that's a choice I've decided to make every day I wake up.  Or getting organized...that one makes me laugh because while getting organized is nice and can help you continue to be organized, organization itself is a constant and daily thing.  I cannot tell you how many times I have organized our hair do-dad drawer or the utensil drawer or the pots and pans cupboard etc...only to have to do it again months later.  Organization is constant work to STAY there.  I began to view New Year's a little like Valentine's Day.  Why are we making promises once a year to ourselves, like we choose one day a year to tell certain people that we love them?
But then a couple days ago one of my "quirks" was exposed and I got a pretty good laugh out of it.  My husband has been a darling and for almost 9 years has said nothing about this habit of mine and I have gone along thinking maybe he just didn't notice.  Only he has noticed.  For the almost 9 years we've been married (and I'm sure this habit goes waaay further back) I have had a habit of buying a backup shampoo or conditioner or toothpaste or...name the beauty product so that we have it in place when the thing that is almost out completely runs out.  I'm sure you're thinking at this point that that doesn't sound bad!  It sounds smart...well, the thing is I buy it...and then I get ridiculously excited about using the NEW product...and so I start in on that one before the old one is gone.  I'm a nerd.  I get excited and distracted from the current product.  Which sometimes is just simply annoying!  I mean, for example, I know that the ONLY toothpaste I really like is the Arm and Hammer backing soda toothpaste.  It's the only one I like the taste of, the only one I feel like gets my mouth clean, and yet when I'm standing in the toothpaste aisle I can't help but think, "But what if this new toothpaste over here is better or my next favorite!?"  And so I purchase it...only to hate it and buy the one I do love a week later and start using that.  I do that with shampoo...body wash... 

And I thought it was going unnoticed until the other morning I woke up and found the toothpaste I love that I had recently purchased so I no longer had to use the other two tubes in the drawer that I hated, was missing.  Now, there was only one explanation, because as I looked around it hadn't been put up on a shelf or out in plain view anywhere...it was missing.  And it became clear to me that my  husband had hidden it from me!  And I couldn't believe it!  After some searching I found it in the very back of a drawer tucked behind some things.  Well!  "Just what does he think he's doing?" I thought!  Like I wasn't going to find it!
Later that evening the toothpaste came up.  "I see you found the toothpaste," my husband commented drily.  Which launched us into a hilarious discussion about my habit that my adorable husband has in fact noticed for going on 9 years now and has chosen to say nothing about simply because he is amazing and didn't think it mattered.  Turns out it's been driving him crazy though.  :D  He continued to explain the amount of times he's gotten into the shower and knocked bottles of three or so different shampoos off the shelf in turning around or going to use the one that's been in there the longest noticing that another one has taken a place next to it...or noticing that I continue to buy toothpaste he knows I won't like...and then replacing it with the one I do. 
Well...I got a good chuckle out of it, mostly because I couldn't believe he has noticed this habit for so long and kept mum about it!  But also because he was very gracious and comical about it.  :)  So I am deciding that a resolution is in fact in order for me this year.  I believe I need to resolve to actually finish a product before opening a new one even if I don't love the previous one, and more than that I need to really just know what I love and understand that if I really believe in how much I like a certain thing...it's unlikely something is going to be so fabulous it will replace how much I love the previous brand etc....Trust my instincts shall we say.  And additional kuddos to my hubs for allowing me to be so weird for so long.  :)  You really make my life there Love. 

Abby Girl...

Our Abby turns 2 years old on Saturday....how can this be??  I am completely in love with her.  The other night as I was putting her to bed she says: I love you buddy. Oh my goodness...she melts my heart!  She has these eyes that look into you and this beautiful, huge smile that lights up her whole face and brings a smile to yours.  She will just randomly come up and ask for hugs or for "nugging" on the couch.  If you hurt yourself or seem upset she is always right there asking: "You ok mama? You ok Hannah? Ok daddy?" She is hilarious.  I mean REALLY funny.  She makes hilarious faces and is always singing up made up songs about being beautiful or how her sister and mama are beautiful.  She is kind and snuggly and I cannot imagine my life without this little one.  She is my joy.  We love you Abby Joy...so glad we've been blessed with the gift of you.