Can I just...just for a moment or ten get on my soap box? There has been something bothering me for some time and I just need to be heard. It bothers me for my own specific and personal reasons which I will not get into as the whys or whos don't matter but here it is...I think I can maybe sum it up in two words and then elaborate. Comparison and insecurity.  

 Kind of ugly words right? We are all most likely guilty of at least one of those here and there, Lord knows I am! But what bothers me most is that when as a result of these two things a life becomes it. It is lived and breathed until it is habit and then it spills out in the form of cynicism and bitterness or hatred and you become a hard person to be around.

 My experience seems to be with those that are insecure about a number if things or life decisions and it comes out in a snide "I am better than you, my life is better than yours and I'll prove it." Kind of way. 

Inwardly my heart understands the why. I can feel and understand where they come from or why they may be insecure and feel they have something to prove. I feel this way towards myself at times. I am my own worst critic and enemy. There are times I am bummed because I can see how well someone I may admire (or maybe not) is doing in an area I lack in or maybe feel I lack in, but definitely feel insecure in, however, I try awful hard to let it inspire and drive me forward or take a lesson from instead of cause me to be bitter and cynical. 

For some reason lately I haven't been as tolerant of the bitter, cynical, insecure types. It's frustrating to try and have conversations with these people. Their way is always right even though they may know that's not true.  It's their way or everything and everyone else is stupid. They shoot people down on purpose and make fun of who they are and what they do or how they live life to try and make the other person small and themselves bigger. It's annoying. It's unkind.  It's tiring. 

What is even more sad is that if these people have children, they often pass this unkindness off onto them in little ways. They teach them to be tiny, cynical, judgmental people who believe what they believe and everyone else is dumb for thinking how they think or living how they live. How awful is this!?

I was taught early and often that kindness matters! It's ok to believe what you believe and stand firm in that. But it's not ok to make others feel small to make yourself appear bigger. There should be a courtesy and a respect for letting others be who they are and let them celebrate that instead of bringing them down because that's not what YOU would do or how YOU believe. 

Why can't we just be inspired by people? Ya know? Take in what we need for our own lives and leave the rest alone? Why pick? It's sad because I know there's underlying unhappiness behind it. I would never make fun of someone or constantly bring them down in little ways because I was feeling bad about myself or was jealous of them. In fact I usually say, "I am jealous you cando/you are that! 

What makes this even harder is often it's somebody we genuinely care for and want the best for. If I'm being honest I have cut people out of my life who did this to me to a point where I felt horrible about myself. You can't always do that though. Sometimes you are stuck!

Shoot, I hope somebody calls me out if I'm like this. Matter of fact I'm almost sure my husband would. He'd do that for me, because he knows. More than that I sincerely hope I teach my kids to be tolerant, loving and kind to others and   their lives and to not always be pointing out flaws and faults of others to build themselves up. And maybe just maybe, even if something in life has happened to rough them up a bit make them a little more bitter and insecure, maybe they'll default on the side of kindness. 

Sometimes I think I'm crafty. Like artsy crafty. When it comes to certain things I still belive that. But more often than not I see a cute craft project or think of getting involved in something crafty and I immediately think:

(Oh Sweet Brown, you get me!)

I mean I love the idea of things like scrapbooking but it's seriously like who has the time for this!?

Ok, but then there's my mom. When I think of crafty I think of her. She's always got some cute idea brewing or is thinking of some awesome way to make a holiday special. I, am lame at this. As far back as I can recall my mom decorated for every holiday. Even St. Patrick's Day! Whaaaat!? This is making me look bad in the eyes of my children by the way mom. Because I tell them these stories of how awesome my mom made holidays and they look at me through narrowed eyes full of suspicion like; Hey! We are getting gipped! 

Maybe I still have time to redeem myself. I mean maybe my mom didn't have time for that with little babies and sleepless nights either.  Because I want to make them special...er.  But like I said as far back as I remember she was doing awesome things like Valentine's Day scavenger hunts and forcing us to wear green on St Patty's Day. ;) 

Also, one thing I've struggled to get behind is seasonal wear. By this I do not mean sweaters when it's cold and shorts when it's hot, but the special shirts and garb they market hither and yon for every holiday that is color coded with cute sayings and pictures depending on the approaching holiday. Not that they aren't cute. Many times I do actually stand there, holiday specific item in hand and inwardly wrestle with whether or not I should actually take it home. But the logical side of me always says, But whhhy? Can you really justify spending this money on a shirt they will wear a couple of times? Actually a shirt they will wear and want to wear every day for the next 6 months even though the holiday is past? No! Girl, you know they will want to keep wearing it and you will inwardly cringe seeing them in a Halloween shirt during the Christmas season! Just walk away and pretend you didn't see it. 

And so it goes. (Also, apparently my logical inner voice is OCD and and a little mean)

Well this year my mom saved my bacon. :) She found a cute craft off of Pinterest on making 4th of July shirts and brought the stuff over for all four girls (my two nieces included) to make! Check these out:

They turned out so cute! And they are extra special because Gram was behind it! They have been wearing them since they dried. :) Here are a few others:

Cooper's hand print turned out to be more of a fist bump. :)

I love these three goofballs. :)

And they can wear them all summer and stew in holiday specific happiness. :) Now I just need to find something special to repurpose them into when they outgrow them. ....Mom!? 😉

Here's a riddle for you. How long does it take you to leave your house?

Now if I were to answer this in singular form, I would say about a minute to grab my things and put my shoes on and go. Maybe two, if I have to locate said shoes to the place where some little feet may have walked and relocated them during a dress up game. 

Now, if I am answering this in the plural, as in me + a party of three....Pfffft! Please people! First, let's just be honest there are days where "going" doesn't happen unless it's a walk somewhere. When it does though it's crazy all up in here, and the amount of time is relative and situational.

 It's relative to whether baby is napping, or is close to napping, or wants to nap, or looks like he might be thinking of napping.  It's relative to the mood and mindset each individual is in. While 2 out of four may be in a relatively great and cooperative mood, one or two can easily add a half hour or so onto making it successfully out the door. 

It's situational in that it depends on where we are going and for how long. Do I need snacks? Water? Extra water? Extra snacks? Extra underwear? Special equipment? My mind? (Oh. I see I said that last item out loud. My bad.)

It's also situational in that girls being girls, they are quickly learning that different events and excursions call for the right accessories. One lovely will decide she needs a headband or a hat or "my purse mama!" and suddenly the other realizes they need this as well thus taking us on a mighty scavenger hunt of a detour looking for a purple barrette we haven't worn since Christmas but suddenly and desperately MUST have or all is lost. (And I do mean all) 

Also, it's nice if I make sure upon glancing at all three that we don't look like we just hang around with dishevled hair and mismatched whatevers and breakfast on our faces all day long. Oh wait, that's right we do! Then, Has everyone gone potty? Really? No I mean really? That's what I thought. 

Lights off? Nothing left on causing us to come home to a house of sticks?  Annnnd then usually we finally make it to the finish line! The doorway!! Run kids run! ...And then I usually have to come back for something I've forgotten. Whew. So now what was the question? Right! Yes! The answer is; too long!! Ahhh, but one day I will go to take us all somewhere and realize it's not quite the marathon getting everyone out the door that it used to be. So for now I'll try to enjoy the race.